I thought I’d finally post the notes I wrote on my trip up Route 1. It’s poorly written but whatever, I may want to look back at it sometime.
Monday June 2, 2008
So today I took off up the coast after much preparation before leaving. I have huge anxiety about leaving my kitty. So I made sure everything was in place. Pat the cat sitter was coming by in the evening and she’s coming by all this week at least twice a day. I bought a lot of food and disposable litter boxes (even though they aren’t good for the environment, I know, I just did it for this week to make things easy). The place is spotless and I wrote out two pages of instructions of things Pat might need to know including kitty’s medicine.
When I left I was in tears. I had a lot of anxiety. Partly because kitty is old and I’m not sure how much time she has left. She’s such a love, I just try to make things as comfortable and happy as possible for her. I do my best and I kept saying to myself in the car, “Everything will be fine.” My neighbor also has keys. But on the freeway leaving LA I had an emotional earthquake. Emotions kept surging up in waves. My job, my life in LA, kitty. I couldn’t figure out why I felt scared, depressed an anxious when I was leaving on vacation for a week to the beautiful landscape of the famous Route 1 that people travel from around the globe to see.
Part of the stress I think was that the first hour or so is shitty congested crazy typical LA traffic. As well as it was the route (101) I used to take for a few years from Hollywood to Thousand oaks which absolutely, eventually, made me break. Break from my job and my relationship 4 years ago. It was sometimes 3 hours each way each day. So I guess it brought back some bad memories. The commute and the advertising/graphics job I had with an old republican couple who had me do the graphic layout for the wife’s Daughter’s of the American Republic brochure. Not my cup of tea.
But after about an hour of nerve-racking traffic and emotional turmoil the landscape changed, so did the traffic, and so did my mood. I cranked up the music and started to feel okay. I decided to pass Santa Barbara which is a nice place but I wanted something more remote and less yuppified. So I decided I’d go to San Louis Obispo. LOVED it there, but then decided to go another 12 miles to a place my friends told me about by the water, Morrow Bay. Found a cute wonderful cheap ($37) room 1 block from the bay. It even has a little fake fireplace. I’m now going to walk down to and have dinner, take some pictures and have wine while overlooking the bay. It’s a beautiful remote little place. I’m starting to feel serene and happy.
I went down to a little restaurant and though I try to eat vegetarian I really just wanted fish and chips. Sometimes I cheat and have seafood. I also had a salad, blue cheese dressing and sat and read the local paper while the waves gently swept in and out. The view was like savoring a piece of chocolate. Being away is nice, it clears the mind and as the ocean has always seemed a friend to me it’s peacefulness put me at east. I felt relaxed and could breath deeply without a heaviness I usually feel at “home” in LA.
There’s no sound in the world like complete silence, and it has been so long since I experienced this. I guess it’s just that I’ve been in LA so long I’m in awe of the silence here at night. There’s just this complete nothingness. The air is still, there are no car noises nor anything buzzing in the air. No birds, no voices, laughter, wind. Nothing. It’s not creepy so much as intriguing. I went out on the balcony and sat and I guess if there was any trepidation at all it was that I was alone in silence with my thoughts. I usually have to wrestle with the wind, or a siren, or cars and voices… just complete stillness. It’s nice really. It’s like watching The silence is a reminder that I have the choice to be in silence.
My room has this little cute fake fireplace that glows and makes a sound that is soft but slightly annoying. The first thing I always do in a bed that has the covers tucked in tight like my grandmother used to do is kick the covers free. I roll around a bit to make it like a cocoon or a sleeping bag. Only then do I feel comfortable. No internet, no TV and no cell phone. I’m used to being alone and I’m finally comfortable being with myself. I am a bit reclusive but it wavers, like a see saw or waves seeping in then out. So there are definitely times I come alive in social situations. But tonight I feel fine being alone.
Tuesday June 3, 2008
Today the drive was absolutely breathtaking. I left Morrow Bay and headed up the coast stopping often. I have to say aside from the drive on Corsica island this is bar none the most scenic driving I’ve seen in America. The roads twist and wind in places up above the clouds at times and it’s almost all right along the coast so you can look out over the Pacific and to the horizon. Driving north I passed tiny towns, many lookout points and the campgrounds start when you reach Pfeiffer Big Sur State Park. Gorda Springs was nice as well as Ragged Point, which has a landscaped trail with many exotic plants, and lookout points that are spectacular. Pfeiffer Point is wonderful. The whole stretch is peppered with places to pull over and take in the views. I drove for only about 3 hours and pulled into Big Sur Lodge. You can rent a cabin and they look amazing, nestled in the thick of the woods with cute front porches and fireplaces. I slowly and quietly drove around the small roads within the campsite trying to decide if this should be the night I spend a little more money for a cabin or just camp; at over $100 a night I decided to camp at a sight for $25. Along route 1 at Big Sur there are cute stores with wood signs, post offices and camp sites. I’m sitting at my sight right now typing this on the picnic table and wondering what to do tomorrow. The wind is gently blowing through the trees periodically making a sound like subtle ocean waves moving in and out, birds are chirping and cawing I can hear my neighboring campers talk and rustle around and laugh. There’s the smell of campfires wafting by. I have to say this is not remote enough for me. It’s nice, but it makes me miss being so far out in the wilderness you hardly come across another human. I’ve been thinking of taking a real backpacking trip at some point. I’m only about half way through Big Sur. I’m debating if tomorrow I should hike around in this area or move on and see what’s up the road. I could try to find a cabin further up tomorrow and spend the day hiking? Or I could keep going on to Carmel and Monterey Bay. I really want to see the aquarium in Monterey I’ve heard so much about. But I don’t want to rush and I really want to do some hiking. It’s only Tuesday and I have till Friday, possibly Saturday if I can call my neighbor to check on kitty. I have no cell phone reception or internet out here at all. It’s so great to get away from the routine, from the smog and the excessive noise and hustle bustle. I’m not looking forward to going back. So now I’m going to read the literature and look at maps I got at the ranger station to see what might be fun for tomorrow.
Wednesday June 4, 2008
Wednesday was a wash, I was beat and slept all day. Charged all my stuff and watched tv.
Thursday June 5, 2008
Got up early and drove to the Monterey Aquarium, walked around that area. Drove down the ocean view route along the coast to Pebble Beach (toll was $10), got out took pictures along the beautiful coast, then stopped at the golf club which was not my thing, too pretentious, the landscape was too manicured the restaurant was too pricey. Then drove to Carmel, also very ritzy but beautiful coast line. Drove back to Monterey and stayed at a place right next to The Economy Inn had a cheap dinner then went to bed early in the hopes of going up to Santa Cruz tomorrow. Not really sure what I’ll do. Either stay in SC or drive down to Big Bear and camp again. I know I have to head home Saturday so I’m thinking I’ll take the 101 and just book it for 6 hours or so Saturday back to LA.
Friday June 6, 2008
Today was a bit of a disappointment for a few reasons. I thought the Santa Cruz boardwalk area would be a great all day escape, where I could park the car and spend the day around people and sit on the beach reading my book. Just park my car all day and have lunch, read, maybe have a beer and conversation .. possibly a walk down the beach in the sunshine. I expected souvenir shops and some silliness but I thought it might be a combination of sun, fun … some surf shops and duds with surf boards as well as a few nice places to eat and sit looking out at the ocean. No such luck. So I drove from Seaside (which is just north of Monterey but I stayed there overnight because the rooms are nice yet reasonable). I thought it was a great sign that I immediately ran into a Trader Joes by accident and stopped and stocked up with a bottle of Two Buck Chuck (for later that night) and some chips and a veggie sandwich. I paid $10 to park all day in a lot at the end of Ocean Street and had my bathing suit, a hat, towel, camera and my sketch pad to draw. I walked up to the boardwalk and proceeded to be horrified. Hoards of kids screaming and running and mobs of obnoxious people crowded the walkways. I’m sure it’s a kids dream to go there and ride rides, play games and eat so much junk food and cotton candy that they get sucrose poisoning and are high for a week. I don’t dismiss that it would be a great time for kids, but it wasn’t what I was expecting and even the beach looked dirty. I feel a bit embarrassed that I was not savvy to this. So after 15 minutes I headed back to the car, wondering if I should try to go further north to Half Moon Bay or a bit south to Capitola, a cute place I read about online. I went to the (extremely hot in a cute humble kinda way) parking attendant asked him about alternative places to go. I thought maybe he could give me some insight.
Me: “Wow, I can’t believe how crappy it is here, no offense but I expected this to be much different.”
Extremely Cute Parking Attendant (ECPA): “Oh, this is the worst beach in Santa Cruz, it’s hideous. No one who lives here comes to this beach.”
Me: “Have you been up to Half Moon Bay or down to Capatola?”
ECPA: “Yeah well Half Moon Bay is really quiet but I’d recommend Capatola, it’s a bit more upper class.”
Me (almost interrupting) “Oh no, I’m looking for nice laid back people, like hippies, campers, but maybe some coffee shops and close to a nice beach”
ECPA: “Oh well, no, what I meant is it’s nice, quaint. The people are nice and there are stores to walk around and a cool laid back beach. Listen, you haven’t been here long so if you want I can refund your $10, it’s no problem really.”
Me (heart thumping and smiling at him with probably too much glee) “Oh you are so sweet, that is so very nice of you. I’ll go get my receipt. Thank you!”
So he refunded my $10 and off I went to Capitola. I got a bit lost but then finally found my way and parked in a lot within walking distance of the quaint town. I walked down to the area. I was pleasantly surprised. Not only did they have nice artsy pottery and jewelry stores, it was a mixture of somewhat cheesy surf shops mixed with an array of restaurants, coffee shops and beachfront bars. I really love playful thoughtful names of places (or anything for that matter) and this place had me giggling around every corner. Names like: Sea Level, Turtle Shells, Village Mouse, Rain or Shine, Big Kahuna, Hot Feet, Pretty Mama, Inc., Kaleidoscope, dahlia, Margaritaville, Cava Wine Bar.
I have to say the place is a great mixture, in my opinion, of comfortable wine bars, coffee shops, some nicer cuisine some artsy craft shops yet there are beachside pub grub beer joints with plastic chairs and big umbrellas right on the beach overlooking a beautiful view of the ocean. There’s even a pool pub, meaning they have two pool tables (fuck! Pool, I love pool, what happened to pool!). I loved this place and I can tell it has wonderful taste, it’s interesting and fun yet not too pretentious.
I then asked directions to the Capitola Inn (822 Bay Avenue) it was $65 ~ more than I was used to spending on this trip per night but I thought what the hell. So I asked directions and (people seemed so friendly in general there) was directed by a wonderful woman in an artsy shop. I walked back up to my car thinking I didn’t want to have a beer and drive. I wanted to get settled in first then take a trolly to the beach area and hang on the beach and have a few glasses of wine on my last night. I went through much turmoil trying to find the hotel and when I got there she informed me they were full, that there was a car show going on and everything was probably full. I drove back and parked in the same spot. My meter was still at 2 hours and no one had taken the spot surprisingly. I walked back down and spoke to the same woman. She suggested the Best Western Inn. This time my phone had reception so I called and they too were full. She suggested a camping ground nearby. I thought I’d walk around there some more then go camp near the beach at least. After walking around a bit I headed off to the camp sight. It was wonderful but they were full. It was called New Brighton State Beach and I made a note for possibly a future trip. I got back on the 1 giving up on the idea of staying in Capitola. I headed south thinking I’d stay in the same place I had the night before, Seaside. I stopped once impulsively at The Red Roof Inn just off the freeway; Waited 20 minutes in line and then said I didn’t have a reservation. They had rooms, but it was $150 … $150! I got in my car huffing and puffing and cursing under my breath. Off I went only to get lost twice thinking I’d passed the exit for the previous place I stayed, Seaside. (it was actually Seaview I passed, then turned around, then realized it wasn’t Seaview but Seaside so I turned around again) and finally got to Seaside, the correct exit to stay at the same place. I was kinda bummed. And I think the fact that my vacation was almost over didn’t help. I felt like I’d wasted my last day. I have to drive back tomorrow. I was trying to savor my last day and find a nice place but the universe just didn’t comply.
So here I sit in my room Friday night knowing that the hour glass is running out. And to add insult to injury I saw online tonight an awesome festival in Santa Rosa (just north of San Francisco) called the Harmony Festival running tonight, Friday (June 6th) thru Sunday, June 8th. I could have shot up there today and stayed Saturday and come back Sunday. It’s an incredible line up of artists and looks like an amazing experience. Ugh.
http://www.harmonyfestival.com/
I guess I shouldn’t complain. It has been a much needed and wonderful vacation all in all and what I needed most, freedom, serenity, nature, beauty and the ocean … I have definitely experienced. It’s been wonderful. It will just be difficult to go back to work.
Sunday June 8, 2008
Every time I travel I come back and feel changed. A shift happens. I just walked down to the convenience store tonight after returning home earlier today and I felt like I’m not really here anymore. I look around and realize how friendly and down to earth people are outside LA. Maybe that’s why almost every friend I’ve had has moved away. I felt a shift the minute I got outside LA. You can actually ask directions and people will try to help best they can. I loved San Luis Obispo, you can get a feel of a town by reading their newspaper and when I sat down and read theirs it was all about being green and the local politics. My shift has happened, I just need to take my time and be open to possibilities. This time I’m not going to run away because I’m unhappy. This time I want to go toward something that excites me and I feel happy about. It’s not going to be easy going to work tomorrow after two weeks off, but it has to be done. I really love my apartment, Pasadena and the security of my financial situation. I’ve been broke for years and finally I don’t have to worry. So I will work on myself and reaching out and opening up to new opportunities and who knows. I met many people on my trip who were in line with how I’m thinking and it was almost mystical how complete strangers echoed my thoughts and concerns. That never happens in LA.
Many times driving up route 1 I got overwhelmed with emotion. I had this amazing sense of awe at this earth and the beauty I was seeing as well as the freedom I was feeling. I did not want it to end. Then coming back I teared up many times because I felt sad to have to go back to such a strict regiment. Just before leaving to go home, south, I stopped at a Carls Jr because it was the closest thing and got a burrito before hitting the road. I called my dad and asked if he could map quest how to get to the 101. I did not want to go back down route 1 because A. It would take much too long when the 101 zips straight down the coast and B. Because the beauty would make it all that much more difficult to leave. So there I sat talking to my dad when this average looking guy, kinda Midwestern looking actually, said he over heard and proceeded to give me specific directions on how to get to the 101. Turns out it was the opposite way I was going to take. He also told me after my explaining I didn’t want to go back to LA how he’d given up a six figure salary and found his own way in life. I can’t do justice to what he said to me but I started crying uncontrollably and it was embarrassing. He told me to look at the sky on my drive home, that he could tell I was connected and affected by nature and that I just need to be open to answers. Instead of pushing and fighting I need to be open and ask the universe what it is I should be doing. I’m telling you I had trouble composing myself … right there in Carls Jr. with some guy I’d never met. His words cut to the core of my being. And his life story made me believe he was true and that I am not nuts for feeling discontent. Some people can live an unexamined life. They can, as my mother put it on the phone the other night, live unconsciously. I can not.
Nightmare:
I keep having this nightmare. It happened again tonight and it goes on forever and I can’t wake up. I just woke up and it’s 3:34am and I’m in Seaside in a hotel and now I’m exhausted and I can’t sleep.
I can only remember the gist of it and the end is really clear but it’s always about escaping and getting away from a guy who’s chasing me and I need to convince him of something. He’s like a mean gangster and I always end up frantically pressing elevator buttons knowing he’s close behind and the door opens and I get on and as the door is almost closed I can see that he’s seen me. I wonder which floor to press so that he can’t find me and just want the elevator to move. But he’s always there when the door opens.
In this particular dream the door opened and his accomplice was there. He didn’t see me and I ran the other direction quickly climbing up to a large net hanging from the ceiling. I laid still in the net and could see him below. He suddenly looked up and pulled a gun from his pocket and pointed it straight up at me. That’s when I woke up in a cold sweat at about 4am and couldn’t go back to sleep.
